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How I really feel right now...
06.28.05 (6:55 am)   [edit]
This is gonna sound like a "Vent out" entry so pardon me if it sounds sooo... #%^$&^&(*)(_($#%*&.....
(DISCLAIMER: IT REPRESENTS PURELY HOW I FEEL AND NOT THE TRUTH)

Everyone is asking me this "When you free to meet up before you leave?" I feel sooo pressurized coz I really want to meet them yet I dun seem to have any time. My best friends. My close clique of friends. Friends. My bosses etc etc. AND MY FAMILY TOO! And I am just fustrated coz time is running out. Yes, what the F*** am I busy with? One major project on my mind is CCI. I hang on to it coz I say so. Frankly there is no much motivation to do so since I would not be able to see it through. I would only be playing a supporting role. And I would not be reaping its fruits since I would not be around most of the time... Yes, these are the consequences of my decision to leave. Nope, I have no regrets. It is just a fact. My two mentors, Kelvin and Alex asked me to stay. And I know where they are coming from. Yet it is a bit too late to go back on my decision now. Perhaps I fail to see the "longer term" benefits of staying... or I lack the courage to make it...

So yes I am fustrated coz I feel that I am not investing my time on the more important things in my life. My family and friends whom I care about. I feel bad.... I feel that I am not handling it well... And this sucks!

Like today... got back from a two day conference/get-away. Felt really relaxed last two days but when I come back, I am flooded with sms-es and phone calls. Work Work Work!!! And then my mum started nagging.. Asking me if I am sure about taking up the scholarship, would I regret, what time to wake up tomorrow, am i eating home etc etc.. I know she cares a lot about me and she misses me... but I let my fustration machine take over and I wasn't even present to her conversation. And I just go "Okok" "Yeah" "OK la.." etc etc. Fuck! I am letting my machines take over AGAIN...

Then there is EV's stuff that needs to be handled. My partners are waiting. The deed needs to be signed. And guess what, I havent even pack for NOC except that I bought some clothes already (keke) Plus all the meetings with my friends.. And I got movie dvds/vcds that I have not watch...

So much things to do. So little time. Yet I feel that I am wasting time, doing things that are not so important... that people may not appreciate. And I have made two major decisions that now I am doubtful about... Arrgh!!!! Fuck Fuck Fuck!

Waaaaaaaah... Feel SOOOOOOOOO much better already. This is clearing at its best. Think I FEEL too much. Feeling is ineffective. It's inaction. It's activated by machines. Got to act! Got to move! I have one more wk left. And there is this really special person that I will miss sooooooo much!!! :roll:

And here's the fact. When one door closes, the other opens. Your job is to find that door. True that I have made up my mind to walk through two doors. And as I stepped into them, I found a possibility that the other doors might have better prospects. But if I keep thinking that way (whether it is true or not), I would never be able to appreciate the experience I get from walking through the current door. You see... people love to imagine the "what ifs". I do... it is safer. But that's inaction... no point really.

Here's what I am gonna do:
No matter wat, I am going to walk bravely and bear full responsibility of the cause and effects of the decisions that I made. Thanks for reminding me to be grounded. You know who u r... Thanks, really.
 
A quickie for all~
06.25.05 (8:52 am)   [edit]

Farewell party for our beloved boss, Sarah from SCC (Fish & Co.)


Here's our star!

Something hit me today during Coaching training. But I am too sleepy now to blog. Raincheck k. :wink:
 
No Goodbyes, Just See you all Laterz!
06.04.05 (10:47 am)   [edit]
Peeps, I will be leaving for Hokkaido, Japan in one day's time. What I am present to is the incoming one year stay at States. Compared to that, one week at Japan is nothing... And I will be spending precious time with my family. *grins*

This few days have been a mad rush. Clearing all my work b4 I leave for Japan. 2 Adventure Camps awaiting me after my Japan trip. Project CCI on the run. People to catch up with. NOC incoming... (and I havent even pack)

As of now, I am have 2 pending tasks. Gonna clear them by tomorrow 4pm. And I am planning to shop for a pair of webcams and thumbdrive at Expo. But I will be there alone... Sniff Sniff. It will be a hurried shopping trip I suppose.

Gonna miss a lot of people...

So no goodbyes, just see ya all later!
 
Great Great Great!
06.01.05 (8:35 am)   [edit]
Weeeeeeeee! I am free the whole morning tomorrow! Tat's so amazing... Finally after so long... Hence I can stay up a bit later to play with my cousin. I have let the matter go n we r planning to eat maggi mee later and prob. watch a DVD. Awesome!

And I got back my results. They r not as great la... But I maintain my 2nd upper honors!! And considering that I have been a part time student for one sem, I am freaking happy!

June has started and will be coming to end real soon. And I am rushing to complete several projects. I will have a pit stop break this Sun coz I am chilling in Hokkaido, Japan. I will def. be taking loads of pics. Be sure to look out for them! Ahhhh.... things r getting more n more exciting.

And I just want to say this:

Dad, you r the greatest dad in the whole wide universe. I LOVE U SO SO MUCH!!! And u know what, I told him that in the face. *Hugz*
 

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